Oy.

So I WILL post about the Tour of California - including pictures - but not yet.

I'm going crazy. Seriously.

Things that have been running through my head:
1. I miss being pregnant. And not because I enjoyed pregnancy (because I SO did not), but because I felt useful. It's weird, now that I'm a mom I feel like I have a calling... I was meant to be a mom. Ever since we quit breastfeeding I've felt like my body hasn't been living up to my expectations. It's not nourishing anything. It was great at growing a baby, and so I feel like that's what it should be doing. Like, now. Only I am NOT ready for another pregnancy or another baby. Emotionally and financially, we're just not ready. We will in NO way be trying for another one, it's just not time yet. But I still feel... like I should be pregnant. It's weird, and I don't know exactly how I feel about it.

2. How am I screwing up motherhood? What things am I doing (or not doing) that are going to cause lasting psychological damage to our baby? Intellectually, I know these are crazy and rather silly questions to be asking myself. But I still worry that I'm somehow messing things up. There's no handbook and about a zillion different opinions on how to parent... my current "thing" is worrying that not gazing lovingly into Penny's eyes during EVERY feeding is going to somehow cause an eating disorder. As if zoning out at 2am or watching SNL at noon while she's eating will cause negative feeling about mealtime which will in turn cause negative feelings about food.

I know, I know, I'm crazy.