Sleep

So before I go to sleep each night I spend a good half hour to forty-five minutes awake. I've been like this for as long as I can remember; even when physically exhausted I usually lie awake for quite awhile before I finally fall asleep. I've tried a thousand tricks to get to sleep faster but none of them work more than once. I usually end up composing blogs in my head, blogs that never get written.

These are glorious bogs. Witty, funny, smart, tragic - everything you could ever want in a blog post and more. So much more.

Alas, they disappear from my brain as soon as I fall asleep. So I am sorry, dear blog reader, that you never get to read these magical blogs. They would change. your. life.

No, no, not really. But they're not half bad and I do often contemplate getting up and writing them all down - not because they're literary masterpieces, but because I really want to get all the thoughts in my head OUT so I can SLEEP.

Sleep is a precious commodity here at the Death Star. Leia (you see what I did there?) sleeps beautifully - and has for the last year. She has occasional trouble falling asleep (don't we all?) but for the most part she goes to bed without a fuss, falls asleep on her own, and stays in her own bed all night. It's glorious. And since she co-slept until she was 14 months old there were are a few people (not me) who are shocked she transitioned so well (take that! Don't worry, these people don't read the blog, they're random BBC debaters who claim that bed-sharing babies will end up to be bed-sharing teenagers).

Luke, on the other hand, is slightly trickier than his sister. Maybe it's all those midichlorians. How do you even spell that?!?!

I have to remind myself that even at this age, Leia was still up at least once a night, so sleeping from 8-8 is still a bit in our future. But I would bet money that it will take him longer than she did to reach that particular milestone.

Some people have told me that we need to let him cry. I'm just not comfortable with that. Sure, it might get him to sleep through the night - which would be nice, really nice - but I'm just not comfortable with the method at all. I've read a lot of articles, a few studies, and talked with A LOT of moms and while I don't think CIO is the devil, I just don't think it's for us.

Luke goes from 0-Banshee in about 6 seconds. Even when he's comforted it takes him awhile to calm down if he's already worked up. He's woken up Leia at least once from 2am crying which was sooooo not fun.

Plus, I cannot stand to hear him cry. Cannot. I would have to leave the house and sleep at a hotel if we attempted CIO. I'm not exaggerating. I just can't do it.

Contrary to what some people think (not you, again I'm talking about obnoxious BBC people), this does not mean that my son is emotionally manipulating me. He's not even 11 months old. He also won't be sleeping in our bed until college. Or until pre-school. I am not "weak" for letting him reach sleep goals on his own time. He is not "developmentally delayed" for being an 11 month old who still wakes up 2-3 times a night.

He is just fine. He's where he NEEDS to be. He will learn to go to sleep and stay asleep in his own time.

We are fine. While we're all a little tired, we also have a family, school, work, and life. Of COURSE we're tired, we're PARENTS.

If, in a year, Luke is still struggling with sleep then we'll reevaluate. The cry of an almost 2 year old is much easier to ignore than that of my 11 month old. But we'll see. I'm not going to remove CIO from my parenting toolbox, but it is my very last resort. And that's just what works for our family.

I will say this - Luke's sleep is improving. He went from 6-8 wakings in the Fall to 2-3 now. A few nights he's able to skip the bottle of formula and just nurse. Vader and I both wake up whenever he does, but the wakings are slowly starting to stretch themselves out. So while I'm not ecstatic about his sleep, I am content. For now. :)