Never go to Costco with your children

At least, never go ALONE with your kids.

The other day I decided that I lived in Bizzaro-World where I was an octopus woman with 8 arms and thus could totally handle taking my children on a trip to Costco, Office Depot, and the gas station all by myself. At snack time.

This was my dialogue with the children every 5-ish minutes.

"Griffin, we are inside, indoor voice please."
"Penelope, please stop walking backwards, you're running into people and it's rude."
"Griffin please get up off the floor."
"Penelope, while I appreciate your desire to help and push the cart, it weighs 6x as much as you do and you keep running into things. Please let mommy push."
"Griffin, my darling, get off the floor. Now."
"Penny, my sweet love, I think your song is beautiful, but we are inside and you need to lower your voice."
"Griffin. Off. Floor. Now. 1... 2..."
"Sissy, Costco is not an appropriate place to play hug-tag"
"Bubs, please walk on the side of the cart, not in front of the cart."
"Pen, please watch where you are twirling, you almost ran into that person"
"For the love of Zeus, Griffin Walter Rodgers, my sweet boy child GET OFF THE FLOOR."
"Yes Sis, that's a lovely pas de cheval, but the people behind you are trying to get to the giant tubs of mayonnaise, please move."
"Griffin, if you're going to attempt to slide on the floors then you're bound to get hurt. Get up and walk it off dude."
"Delpi, now is not the appropriate venue to race your brother."

Now, repeat.

At Office Depot I was having the "indoor voice" conversation for the 1,000th time when an older lady in front of me turned around and smiled at the kids and said.

"Wow, I wish that trick worked for my grandkids. They haven't gotten the hang of indoor voice yet."

I smiled, because neither have mine. The reminder works for 30 seconds until their brains reset and then I have to remind my son yet again that his banshee-like powers need to be disguised from ordinary people or else the government will come and lock him up and study his mutant ability.

We got our errands done with only 1 potty trip, no blood, 1 jammed thumb, no lost cars, no crying, 1 sibling argument, and 6 million requests for water.

Not bad.

I am NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN.