Thursday, June 9, 2011

Anger management

Last night was awful. Really, really awful. Griffin was up over four hours and I was so very frustrated that I had to take a break from him. I half hoped that letting him cry, safe and secure in his crib, would actually work and he'd fall asleep and stay asleep; that I would be proven wrong about CIO and have to eat my words. And you know what? I wish that it worked. I wish I would have had to come on the blog and admit I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

But it didn't work. And I've become even more convinced that CIO is not appropriate for Griffin.

I'm hoping last night was just some horrific fluke. Because I honestly don't know what I'll do if we have another night like that.

When you become a parent, you're never really prepared for just how much (and often how quickly) you fall in love with your child. But you are also equally unprepared for how crazy they can make you... how angry you can get. I loved my son last night, but I did not like him. I was exhausted, frustrated, and since he's not sick or teething, I could not (and still don't) understand why he wouldn't just go back to sleep.

He was just as exhausted. When he's tired his eyes get puffy and he gets these horrible dark circles. And yet there he was, alternately babbling and screaming, for over four hours. Four. Rocking did not work, nursing, bouncing, patting, singing... we even tried a bottle. He still.would.not.sleep.

I had some choice words for him, mainly "go to f*cking sleep already".

I'm not much of a curser, but holy mother of Oprah, I was fed up.

He finally let us sleep around 2am. Woke up again at 5:30 and (thankfully) went back to sleep and slept until 7am. He's asleep right now... And has been for an hour. Let's all hope he stays that way until at least 2 and then goes back down without a battle. I just don't know if I have it in me.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

1 comment:

  1. ohhh, Jess:( The sleep battles are really, really the worst. And when it's the middle of the night and it's been hours, it's extra bad because it just makes a person feel so...hopeless. Because everything is worse in the middle of the night, and sleep deprivation magnifies everything too, and you just feel like the night will never end. I remember chanting to myself, when going through all of that with G, "This, too, shall pass." And it does, and it did, but that is the flimsiest, lamest, and yet only life preserver I have to toss you right now.

    And I hope he doesn't pull that crap again.


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