So Monday is the informational meeting at a local adoption/fostering agency. I am both excited and a tad apprehensive.
I want to adopt. I feel that our family has the love to give. I feel that it's the socially responsible thing to do.
But oh boy am I nervous.
Lately the kids have been... challenging. Griffin's sleep is still erratic, Penelope is testing boundaries, potty training is a headache, and we're all stressed out. So the idea of adding another child into the mix is occasionally overwhelming.
But it's not overwhelming because of the adoption aspect, it would be just as overwhelming if we decided to get pregnant (perhaps more overwhelming that way since the newborn phase is incredibly taxing).
It's just a very different mindset, this choosing to have another child. With Poe and Griff I spent most of my pregnancies in a quasi state of shock. There was no "Is this the right time? How will this affect our family dynamic? Can we afford a child?" - we just coped because, well, we had to. And it was ok - while the babies weren't planned, they were most certainly loved and we cannot imagine life without them. I honestly wouldn't change things (I know I'm supposed to say that), I mean, I would change some things. I would change Griffin's sleep habits. I would change Penelope's desire to potty train. I would hire a maid if I could. But those are little things (ok, the sleep thing is kinda big, at least while we're in the thick of it), but you know what I mean.
And I know. I know that when we've finished the adoption process; when we have three beautiful children; when we've all adjusted to life as a 5-some; when we're all reading together before bed, or opening presents on Christmas morning, or having breakfast together, or singing songs in the car, or making another of the 1,000,000 memories we'll share that B & I will know that what we did was the right thing for us, for our family, for our kids. We'll know that the hoops were worth it, that tantrums in surround sound are fleeting, that our life is best measured in hugs rather than in account balances.
We'll get there. We're close to being there. But we're not quite there yet.
Also? My baby girl is not a baby anymore:
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