I have always wanted a big family. Not Duggar family big, but larger than 2 kids. When I was a kid, I used to dream about buying a huge house and adopting children with AIDS and then showering them with love until they passed - when I was growing up AIDS was still a death sentence. Aannnnnddd I was also a smidge naive.
I no longer harbor a desire to foster a huge house of children - maybe when I retire :) But there is still a part of me that very much wants to adopt.
I think it's no secret that I didn't really enjoy pregnancy. Even though I had very easy pregnancies, they weren't exactly the most enjoyable 80 weeks of my life. Don't get me wrong, parts of pregnancy are pleasant. But nausea, back pain, kicks in the ribs, kicks in the bladder, and feeling like a beached whale aren't my favorite pregnancy memories.
I've also just gotten my body (mostly) back. No child is nursing, I've lost the bulk of my baby weight, and my hips have *sort* of returned to where they used to be. I will never have the same skin elasticity in some places like I used to, and my hips may never return to pre-baby width, getting back to pre-pregnancy weight was difficult. Do I want to do that again? I mean, the kids are worth it, but I did just get a new wardrobe of size 8 dresses...
Even though pregnancy and all its associated "body modifications" aren't really that enjoyable, delivery is. Yes, this makes me odd. But I loved labor. It was difficult. It was painful. It was amazing. And there's a part of me that would love to experience that again.
It would also be nice to actually plan a pregnancy. Neither Penelope nor Griffin were planned (PSA: birth control is not 100% effective). We've never experienced all various stages of planning. The anticipation, excitement... although I imagine that the adoption process would be full of these emotions - and more :)
The thought of never adopting makes my heart heavy. And the thought of never giving birth again makes me sad as well. And again, we don't have to make this decision today. We don't even have to make this decision this year. But I think about this a lot and it's nice to get this all out.
I do have another post planned but may not have time this week. Next week I start work in earnest and the week after I get my students. Not much time left of this summer vacation. I am looking forward to being back in the classroom, but cheese-and-crackers I have a lot of work to do in the meantime!
5 weeks ago