What Not to Say to Someone Who is Overdue

Today I am 41 weeks pregnant. I can't think of anyone who is pleased with this, but least of all me. I've been getting a lot of texts, Facebook messages, e-mails, and general questions from a lot of people. All of them mean well. But a lot of these messages and texts do more to frustrate than to actually help - I know it's not their intention, but it is what it is.

Hence this post.

So, as a public service announcement (or really, just for my own sanity), here are some things that I recommend you do NOT say to a woman who is a week (or more) overdue.

1. How are you feeling?
This question, while sounding innocuous, is unintentionally frustrating. Why? Because we don't feel good. We are tired, frustrated, & possibly angry. We likely ache. It's possible we're having really uncomfortable or painful contractions but still aren't in labor, which is pretty much a horrible feeling. We feel betrayed by our bodies and possibly the baby. We're worried that something is wrong. We are hormonal- really, REALLY hormonal. Did I mention how tired we are?

It's not a good feeling. And so we'll smile and say "fine" out of social obligation, but we're not fine and we don't really want to be reminded about how NOT FINE we are.

What should you say?
Good morning, good afternoon, you're soooooo good looking (bonus points to those who get the allusion), or really anything other than how are you feeling...

EXCEPT
2. That baby still isn't out yet?
Um, no f***ing duh. Obvious people state the obvious.

I seriously wonder if people are thinking when they say this to me. It's obnoxious. Don't ever say that. Ever. To anyone.

What should you say?
It's so nice to see you.

3. When is the baby going to come?
Lemme just get out my crystal ball or, better yet, check the meat thermometer I have pushed into my side.

The baby is not a Thanksgiving turkey, we cannot tell you when it will be done. I promise, we are not keeping it in there just to annoy you (although at this point, there are some people that have been so unintentionally annoying that if I could control when this baby was born I might just keep it in another day... no, actually, I wouldn't do that because see question #1).

That question is not helping. At all. So please stop.

What should you say?
Actually nothing. Just say nothing if this is your go-to.

4. Almost there!
Again, not helpful. Why? Because you don't know. At 41 weeks we could go another week before we get a baby. A week when you're overdue feels like a month. And the prospect of facing another 7 days of being tired, sore, hormonal, irritable, and plain miserable is not "almost there" - it is, in fact "hell on earth."

What should you say?
Would you like some chocolate?

5. (via text or e-mail or phone call) I hadn't heard anything, have you had the baby?
If we'd had the baby the world would know. It would have been posted to every social media platform know to mankind. We would have Lion King'ed that baby from the top of the tallest mountain. You would have gotten a text or a phone call.

No news means NO NEWS. You, and the 600 other people who are waiting are not nearly as impatient for this baby as we are and we are not prepared to spend our day sending out text blasts or constant social media updates to tell everyone that NOTHING IS HAPPENING. Because nothing is happening and we're significantly more upset about it that anyone else on the planet. Having to be reminded that nothing is happening by well meaning people is really, really frustrating.

And I know that all these people mean well. They love us, they love this baby, they are just excited and/or concerned and they want to reassure themselves that mom & baby are ok. I get that. I know it comes from a place of love. But while the intentions are purely good, the reality is that these notes don't really do much to help and can actually be hurtful because after the 100th message of the day we are more upset than we were after the 1st.

I will say that there are women who welcome these messages. It makes them feel good to be on someone's mind. I am not one of those people. There are a small handful of people from whom these messages are soothing - all of them are friends who have been in this spot. Mostly because it's followed up with an "I'm so sorry you're still pregnant" and "I can remember being in this place and it sucks."

What should you say (via text or e-mail)?
Just thinking of you. No need to respond. We love you.

6. Maybe this baby just isn't done cooking.
No, it's done. I'm done so it's done. Trust me.

Also, where did you get your medical degree?

And, it's not a f**king ham.

What should you say?
Here, I bought you this bottle of wine. (I mostly kid).

7. Man, you're huge. That baby will come out soon, it's out of room.
You think I'm joking with this one. People say these things.

Sometimes people are assholes. Please don't ever say this. To anyone. Ever. I've gotten so many "huge" comments throughout the pregnancy that it's a minor miracle I haven't punched anyone in the face. And 99% of these comments come from adults. The adults I WORK WITH.

What should you say?
You look lovely.

8. Have you asked your midwife/doctor about _______? I read online that...
We are in continual contact with our medical professional. But thanks for googling something.

What should you say?
This is another instance in which it's probably best to say nothing.

And again, most of the people who say, text, Facebook message, or e-mail these things mean well. They're not inquiring or making comments for the express purpose of making pregnant women feel bad or to upset them. But many of these things ARE upsetting and some of them (see #7) are really rude regardless (and yet, I hear it often).

When in doubt, send messages of love and support - things like "thinking of you" "we love you" and "I bought you some chocolate." You can even indicate that a response isn't necessary so we don't feel obligated to reply if we're too tired to think of anything to say or if we've just reached our limit on the amount of social interaction we can handle in one day. Because social niceties are exhausting, as is gestating a baby. And when you're 40+ weeks and tired, sore, frustrated, angry, weepy, and looking for signs every moment that you're in labor, it's hard to muster up enough energy to make pleasantries.

So world, when this baby comes you will know. It will be posted. Family will get phone calls.

And it's not that I don't love and appreciate all my family and friends, because I do. It's just that I am not in a good head space. I had PPD with Griffin, being overdue is already triggering my depression. If this baby doesn't come soon then I will become even more depressed - something I was really hoping to avoid. The thought that I may have to go into a hospital to have an induction fills me with dread, even though it may be necessary and if I don't have this baby by the weekend I will voluntarily be induced.

Not being able to nurse well with both P & G was rough on me, if I have to be induced AND I have trouble nursing then that will be very, very bad for my mental health and I cannot.stop.thinking about that. Every time I look in a mirror, pee, look down, put on shoes, have a contraction, or move I am reminded that I am still pregnant. That I am uncomfortable. That I am NOT IN LABOR. I feel betrayed by my body. By my uterus (which previously worked so wonderfully and now is being an asshole).

I am worried that my body won't be able to do it this time. That something is wrong. That I am deficient. That this is a bad omen (and I'm not a superstitious person, so this is new to me). These thoughts do not feel good. These thoughts are not helpful. And every time I get one of the above messages or phone calls or texts I am reminded and these negative feelings are reinforced.

So what should you do if you want news? Wait. Or text someone else. But better yet, wait. Good or bad news will be distributed when there's news to distribute. But no news means no news. And adding your anxiety as to when this baby will comes does not help my anxiety. It, in fact, makes it so, so much worse.

This has been your PSA for the day. Hopefully now you understand why I have ignored your text messages or phone calls or e-mails or posts. Why I haven't "liked" your latest comment on my Facebook update. Why I give one word answers to your inquiries when I do actually respond. Why I've taken a bit of a break from social media.

I am tired. I am sore. I am frustrated and angry. I am weepy. I am NOT fine and I won't be fine until I have a baby. Now you know. So now please, PLEASE send only positive thoughts or messages I don't have to respond to. Or send chocolate. Or wine.

37 weeks, stomach virus, Penny's play

I am officially 37 weeks pregnant, which means that if I go into labor I can now have this baby at home.

So that's a relief... not that I thought I was going to give birth early - there's been no signs of impending labor and I'm 100% ok with that. I still have 3 weeks left of work and a whole bunch of work-related things to do before this baby comes. Not a lot of actual birth prep yet though, I'm pretty much ready for birth. Just work. It's always work..

Anyway, for comparison, here are some pictures:

Baby #3 @37 weeks 1 day

Griffin @ 37 weeks 5 days

Penelope @ 37 weeks

I think I look the same.

I did have a dream that the baby was a girl. But I've had dreams that they were all girls and Griffin is clearly a boy. So my dreams are obviously not prophetic.

Anyway, 20 days until my EDD. I'll be counting down the minutes.

If you'd like to be a part of the guessing pool as to this baby's birth date, sex, weight, and length, go here: http://bebepool.com/sinatra1981

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Sissy and Bubs are both recovering from a wicked stomach virus. Sis went through hers in 3 days with an extra day or two of recovery/weakness. G is now on day 6, poor dude. I hate it when they're sick but I'm so, so glad that so far it seems to have left the adults alone. I don't think Grandma would do well with this one. I won't feel like we're out of the woods until G has been diarrhea free for a week though, he started his about a week after Sis recovered from hers. So either this bug has a long incubation period or he picked it up from school and not from home.

Either way, I'll be glad when the house is bug-free.

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I was planning on blogging about Penny's play, but I'll save it for later. I don't have the pics readily available and I have grading to do before tomorrow so I should probably do that. Suffice it to say, she was cute and loved being on stage. This will not be the last production she's in, that's for sure.

Resolutions, 2015 edition

I have posted yearly resolutions for awhile now. There was 2014, 2013, 2012, & 2011. I've been mostly successful at keeping these resolutions, so I figured what the heck, lets try a new set for 2015. Only I'm tired and pregnant and busy, so lets make these really, really attainable.

So here are my 2015 New Years Resolutions.

1. Have a baby. That one will be easy to keep if not easy to actually accomplish.

2. Finish the paperwork for my Clear Credential which has been sitting on my desk for 2 years. This one I HAVE to do since my credential expires soon.

3. Run again after baby is born and I've gotten the all clear. This one I've been dying to do for ages, but since I was so sick the 1st trimester I got out of the habit and I don't think picking up running again at 30 weeks is such a good idea.

4. Try not to stress myself out over losing baby weight. This one will be the hardest, by far. It's my 3rd baby, I'm in my 30s, and losing weight won't come as easily (not like it was ever easy, but you get my drift) as it did when I was in my 20s. So I need to cut myself some slack. It will have taken 40 weeks to earn these enormous lunch lady arms, so it's gonna take awhile to make them go away.

Speaking of being 30 weeks and having lunch lady arms, here's a belly pic. Scroll down for comparison w/ G & P pregnancies.

Now w/ Penelope - only at 31 weeks

And with Griffin at 32 weeks

Things to note:
1. I miss that dress, why did I ever get rid of it?
2. Uh, that's it. So really "Thing to note."

We did have a 30 week appointment this Saturday, in addition to hosting a group prenatal at our house. Baby looks good, things are normal and boring.

The group prenatal was interesting. Everyone brought food and we sat around and shared birth stories while the midwives pulled people into the back room for their individual visits. Overall it was nice. Exhausting, but nice. We haven't met a lot of people here outside of our respective places of employment (and more so my work than B's), so it was nice to meet people who not only had kids, but were also home birthers. While home birthers can be a diverse group, they tend to share some things in common and so it's nice to get to know people who have similar philosophies as we do. I don't know if we'll find new besties, and I doubt any group could replace the MSN/One Heart community we had out in Sacramento, but hopefully we'll get to know a few families to add to our social circle.

I'm now on bi monthly pre natal visits, so I see the midwives again in 2 weeks. Come mid-February we'll be on weekly visits until baby 3 decides to make an appearance. I'm really hopeful this one follows in its sister & brother's footsteps and comes on its EDD (3/14/15) because Pi Day is an awesome day on which to be born. We'll see. There's only so much say I have in the matter.

She is 6, going on 16

Precocious children are precocious.

Especially precocious 6 year olds.

Penelope has been reading independently since before the end of TK, but she's always still enjoyed being read to and reading with her brother and me. Until recently, when she discovered the joy of 3rd-5th grade chapter books that are well within her reading level/stamina. While she still loves Harry Potter, we're on Book 5 and those chapters are loooooong and the print is small, so she's not quite ready to read them all on her own yet (soon though, so soon). Instead she devours books like Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and Nancy Clancy, and Neverland Stories (or something like that). She read 2 DoaWK books in 2 days - which is pretty much what I do with books.

Today she spent a good 4 hours reading either the Marvel or Wolverine Encyclopedias. Seriously. The ENCYCLOPEDIAS of Nerd-dom.**

So now she doesn't read with us anymore. She sits on her bed and flies through chapters as Bubby and I make our way through Sneeches and Green Eggs and Ham for the 1 millionth time.

I guess I can't blame her, if I could read a new book almost every night I would too.

Griffin claims he'll always want me to read to him, even when he's 30 (he also claims that he'll want to live with me then too, and help me cook). But I can see the end of this snuggle time fast approaching as well. He's already got a handful of sight words, about what Penny had at this age, and is starting to "read" the books he has memorized. I will not be shocked if he's reading by the start of Kinder in August. Maybe he'll need more time than that, but he'll definitely be reading before he's 6.

At least the baby will still want to read with me... I should probably get us some new books. But by that time, Bubby & Sis may want to read *to* the baby. Then what will I do with myself?

Maybe I should get myself some of my own books.

**Speaking of Nerd-dom, Penelope has decided to forgo the cute apricot colored skirt and shirt we bought her for Christmas and instead wants to wear the dark wash skinny jeans and Wonder Woman t-shirt her brother bought her for Christmas. I brought this upon myself, and I can't say that I'm all that upset about her superhero obsession (because I think it's awesome), but it kills me how pre-teen she is already at 6.

Penelope had a birthday party

And I didn't take nearly as many pictures as I wanted to.

But that's ok, because it was fun. And I have these, which are fun too.

The table set up with the photo shoot area in the back.

We found tea cups, saucers, and tea pots at various thrift stores, along with doilies, lace things, and a pink-ish lacy curtain that was our photo shoot backdrop. I made the cupcakes look like flowers (which was crazy easy, thanks youtube!). They also had mason jars as glasses for lemonade.

All the tea was fruit tea (peach, blueberry, etc) and they actually drank it.

The food table: fruit, rice krispy treats, lemonade, cheese & crackers, candy dipped pretzels.

I briefly thought about making scones and mini cheese sandwiches and then had to reign myself in. She's 6, I'm pregnant. This was just fine. I liked the fancy punch bowl, provided by a friend. It was a nice touch.

Table + wall and ceiling decorations

The wall garland was super cute, I wish I had gotten a better shot of it. I do still have it, but I'm not about to drag it out of the kid's room just for a picture. The pom-poms hanging from the ceiling are still up in the house. We'll see how long it is before someone finally gets annoyed with them and takes them down. They're just tissue paper, and easy (but time consuming) to make. My dad & Bryan made half of them while mom and I prepped food the night before. Proof that my dad and husband are pretty freaking awesome.

The hat decorating station

So THIS is where I went overboard budget-wise. The girls each got a hat and a feather boa. They could add ribbons & flowers to their hats to make them super-fancy and tea-party ready. I had to ship the damn hats express to get them here on time because I suck at planning (well, I just got busy), so they were much pricier than I had originally planned. BUT they turned out insanely cute, see:

Birthday Girl in her fancy hat, boa, and party dress.

And then there's these:

My mom, who is awesome.

Penelope, blowing out her candles

I have more, mostly of Sissy and her friends or of her friends posing with the background, but since I don't have permission to post those I think I'll hold off. I'll print them for each girl though and we can include them in her Thank You cards.

I was pretty exhausted by the end of the party, and it was only a 2 hour gig.

Now to start planning Bubby's 5th. I think he wants a Robot theme. Hello Pinterest!

Fun with Old Wives Tales

So the other day I came across this site which lists 10 Old Wives Tales for baby sex prediction and I thought it would be fun to go through them all and see what the Old Wives have to say and then compare once baby Tre gets here.

So, here we go!

Old Wives Tale (OWT) #1: How you carry
Apparently one carries girls high and boys low. So based on this post I think it's safe to say I'm carrying high, which means that this OWT predicts a baby girl. Although if you look at all the pictures, I carry high in all of them and Griffin is most definitely a boy.

Tally: Girl: 1  Boy: 0  No Result: 0

OWT #2: Body clues
Acne = girl
Dry hands = boy
Cold feet = boy

I have both acne and dry hands. No cold feet though, just cold hands.

So this one is a tie. No winners here.

Tally: Girl: 1  Boy: 0  No Result: 1

OWT #3: The Ring Test
You take your wedding ring, string, and see if it swings back and forth (girl) or in a circle (boy) over your belly.

Result? Back and forth. So another OWT for a baby girl.

Tally: Girl: 2  Boy: 0  No Result: 1

OWT #4: The Drano Test
You're supposed to mix your pee with Drano. How many old wives actually had Drano?
Not doing this one, counting it as a no result.

Tally: Girl: 2  Boy: 0  No Result: 2

OWT #5: Heartbeat!
If baby heartbeat is under 140, boy. Over? Girl.

We've heard it both under and over 140. So another no result.

Tally: Girl: 2  Boy: 0  No Result: 3

OWT #6: Cravings
Sweet cravings are supposed to mean a girl, while sour means a boy.

I don't actually crave much, just food. I want sweets after a meal, but I wanted that pre-pregnancy too. I do really like spicy foods when I'm pregnant, but then they give me wicked heartburn. I can say that I definitely do NOT crave anything remotely sour (except in the first trimester when pickles were one of the only things I could eat without throwing up).

So I guess this one is a "no result" as well.

Tally: Girl: 2  Boy: 0  No Result: 4

OWT #7: Chinese Gender Predictor
This is all based on mother's age at conception, or something like that.

Anyway, it says girl.

Tally: Girl: 3  Boy: 0  No Result: 4

OWT #8: Husband Sympathy Weight
If baby's daddy is gaining along with you, then you're having a girl. If he's not, then it's a boy.

Bryan doesn't gain weight. Bastard. So this one says boy.

Tally: Girl: 3  Boy: 1  No Result: 4

OWT #9: Morning Sickness
Morning sickness is supposed to indicate that you're having a girl.

What it really indicates is that evolution is an asshole.

Tally: Girl: 4  Boy: 1  No Result: 4

OWT #10: The Key Test
So you take a kay and if the pregnant person picks it up by the pointy bit, then girl (can you feel me rolling my eyes?) but if she picks it up by the rounded part then boy.

I pick up my keys by the keychain. Also, this one is stupider than the other 9. I'm calling it a "no result."

Final Tally: Girl: 4  Boy: 1  No Result: 5

Alright, so the Old Wives are just as blind about this whole thing as I am. While girl does win out over boy, No Result takes the cake and proves just how silly these things are.

Although I do kinda think it's a girl.

26 weeks

The last time I posted comparison belly pics, I was 20 weeks... I didn't have a 20 picture of my Penelope pregnancy, so I used the 26 week picture. But now that I'm 26 weeks, I have pictures of all 3 pregnancies.

So, to refresh, here's 26 weeks with Penelope

Also, I like my arms in that picture. That *never* happens.

And now 26 weeks with Griffin:

And finally, 26 weeks with baby 3:

Note: Photobucket was being a jerk and the text is on there twice. I'm too lazy to fix it.

Other than the fact that I should NEVER go without bangs again (because good lord my forehead is huge), I think I'm much rounder this time around. Other than that, they look the same to me. I'm terrible at this stuff. I still have NO idea if it's a girl or a boy and am 1,000% ok not knowing.

While this weekend was my 26 week "milestone" - it was also Penny's 6th birthday. We had a tea party and I have pics to post as soon as I can find the cord to upload them. Sissy and her friends had a good time. I still can't believe she's 6!