Oh that.

My breastfeeding struggles have been well chronicled in this blog. I have easy pregnancies, relatively easy labors, and a really difficult time with nursing.

So making it to 10 months is a big.freaking.deal. Only... only... only I want to make it to 12. Actually, I wanted to make it past 12 months - I wanted to be the nursing mom who weaned when her child was ready, even if that meant nursing until Griffin was 18, 20, or even 24 months. It may not be the norm here, but homebirthing and cloth diapering aren't exactly mainstream either. I'm used to coloring outside of the lines.

Unfortunately my body is not complying with my wishes.

I saw an LC today, one supplied by WIC. She was really very nice, but thanks to my previous LC (who was very thorough), queries of my nursing friends, consultations with my midwives, and exhaustive internet searches, this LC wasn't able to tell me anything that I didn't already know.

Actually, that's not quite true. She was able to tell me that she estimated that I was meeting about 1/3 of Griffin's milk needs - and that at the height of our nursing relationship, when my supply was at its best, that I was probably meeting about 1/2 of his needs.

I cried.

She was also very supportive. She told me that I've done more than any other client to best meet the needs of my son and that I should be really proud of my accomplishment. She said that it was more than just the milk, but my dedication to my children was evident due to the lengths I have gone through just to nurse (when switching to formula would have, in many ways, been the easiest way to go). So that was nice. It was actually more than nice.

So here's where I'm at. In order to increase my supply and come as close as I can to my goal I have three options:

1. Pump 8-10x a day (um, no)
2. Use a SNS (supplemental nursing system)
3. Get back on domperidone

Option #1 is out. Very out. I don't know if you could PAY me to pump 8-10 times a day.

We tried a SNS today - Griffin was not having any of it. I may try again tomorrow, but I don't want him to develop and aversion to the breast.

Domperidone is probably my best option, but it's not cheap and it takes awhile to get here.

This leaves me with a decision to make. Do I order the domperidone with the intent of increasing my supply, with no guarantee that it would do so, in order to nurse for as long as G is willing... OR do I pat myself on the back and throw in the towel?

G's been needing more and more formula. I feel that with every pound I loose I loose milk as well. If I want to continue to nurse then I need to act quickly.

Only I have no idea what to do.