Sunday, May 1, 2011


Lately everything seems to annoy me. I don't know if women go through a hormonal shift 1 year after baby (since I was pregnant when Penny turned a year) so maybe that explains it. I know you go through one at weaning, but we're still nursing...

Anyway, this means that I have compiled a list of small things that really, really annoy me. At least they really annoy me lately. They're annoying in general, but a few times I've had to stop myself from saying something to these offending people.

1. People who call chimpanzees "monkeys". Look, I know Curious George has us all thinking that monkeys are tail-less and often walk around on two legs, but let me set you straight dear readers. Curious George is not a monkey and neither are chimpanzees. Chimps and monkeys are primates, but chimps are apes (as are gorillas) and if ONE more person at the zoo tells their impressionable young child to "look at that monkey! He's eating an onion" then I will verbally berate them for being an idiot. Plus? That chimp is actually A GIRL. If you LOOK it's not that hard to tell. Fricking morons.

2. Girl children wearing stripper clothing is not sexy, it's disturbing. They'll turn into sexual beings eventually, but putting your toddler in hot pants and a tube top makes you a shitty parent. Period. End of story. Hell, allowing your 7 year old to wear short shorts with "Juicy" written across the back is just as awful.

3. When it is sprinkling your windshield wipers do not have to be on "ludicrous" speed. They have speed settings for a reason. You look like an idiot. Stop it.

4. When you enter a freeway via on-ramp you're supposed to speed up you *&^%& jackwagon. It is not appropriate to enter traffic going 35 mph. This will earn you a stare of death as we pass. And what is it lately with the middle aged, chubby, balding, white guys in convertibles driving 50mph on the freeway? Seriously dude, your precious mid-life-crisis-mobile will not explode if you go over 55. There is not a bomb on it. Go the d*mn speed limit.

5. Mosquitoes. I hate you.

6. Do dog farts have to be that smelly? WTH did the dog EAT?

7. People who talk loudly about their sex lives at brunch. Look, I know it's an outdoor cafe, and you're having multiple glasses of wine at 11:30am, and you're out with your bestest gay friend, but I don't give a crap about your sex life and I'd rather not hear about it while I'm trying to enjoy my overpriced salad. Thanks.

That's it. For now.

1 comment:

  1. what about people who can take up an entire city sidewalk, all by themselves, by weaving from side to side? OR the people who fling open store doors and cruise from the storefront to the street without any regard for the flow of pedestrian traffic?


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