1. One year olds are crap at folding laundry. They also suck at loading the dishwasher. In fact, they're pretty much useless when it comes to housework.
2. Two year olds are crap at folding laundry, but at least they're genuinely trying to help. Two year olds are only slightly better than one year olds at loading the dishwasher, although they not bad at unloading the dishwasher. Although, to be fair, Griffin is pretty good at unloading the silverware compartment, only he just throws the utensils on the floor. Fail.
3. Babies come hardwired to love remote controls. I have no idea why. They are also able to figure out how to change channels, turn on x-boxes, mute the TV, and navigate Netflix on the Wii, and call or text everyone in your contact list... but they can't figure out how to go to the bathroom in the toilet. They're savants I guess.
4. Younger siblings are the only reason why older siblings eat anything. "Hey, Bubba likes it!" is sometimes the only way to get Penelope to eat dinner.
5. No matter how short of a trip you're taking to the grocery store, it is inevitable that someone will desperately need a diaper change or a snack. Probably both. You will, at some point, find yourself in the checkout line in Safeway covered in urine and snot because your child just peed ten gallons and is crying for goldfish.
6. The loudest toy is always the favorite.
7. Toymakers are assholes.
8. The day you decide your toddler is able to make it through a day without a change of clothes is the day she discovers mud, has diarrhea, or both.
9. Snack cups are possessed by evil spirits and they will deliberately hide themselves and/or run away in pairs.
10. Some days, bedtime will be the most glorious moment of your day.
5 weeks ago